Working Mum Guilt: balancing preschool milestones and career wins

Starting preschool, client kick-offs, and the reality of being a working mammy; why does loving your work and your children sometimes feel like a contradiction?

This month my youngest daughter, Ada, started preschool. Based on the experience with my older two, I was bracing myself for tears, clinging, and nerves, but thanks to one of our RoutineRoo Going to School boards, the first morning went differently.

Together we had built a routine that included her favourite parts of the day, we agreed a high-five at the school gate, and used the board to reassure her that she could do this on her own. She walked in with her head held high, gave me that high-five, and disappeared inside like an absolute boss. I was bursting with pride - both for her, and if I’m honest, for RoutineRoo too. Seeing it work in real life, with my own child, was the ultimate test case.

A few days later came another milestone: her first time being picked up by her new childminder. This woman is extraordinary - imagine Mary Poppins, but with decades of raising her own kids who are happy and successful while she juggled a midwifery career. She’s one of those godsend people you meet from time to time who just want to help smooth the path for juggling mammies following in her footsteps. Ada had already met her and already adored her (and her dog), so I knew she was in safe hands.

That same day, I was kicking off a major transformation project with a client from my consultancy business. After a smooth preschool drop-off, I drove to work with my favourite songs on the radio, singing loudly (and badly), thinking how lucky I was to get to do the work I love that I know helps make other people’s work easier.

The kick-off was a dream: whiteboards, planner boards, KPIs, milestones. All my favourite things. The client said, “This approach is so organised, we’re really excited to get started.” I felt accomplished, energised, and in my element.

Then, at lunchtime, I glanced at my phone. A message from the childminder: Ada had been collected without a hitch, was back at the house having a snack, and was now playing with the dog outside.

That’s when it hit me: I hadn’t thought about her for three whole hours. Not once. On a milestone day.

The guilt was instant. Am I a terrible mammy? How could I be so wrapped up in my work that I’d forgotten about my daughter on a big day?

But I know this is the reality for so many working parents. The juggle is constant. We are expected to be fully present at work and fully present at home, and when we succeed at one, we feel like we’re failing at the other.

But here’s what I’m learning (or at least trying to convince myself of - I might need a little help from you all): it doesn’t make me a bad mammy. It makes me human. Ada was safe, happy, and cared for by someone wonderful. And she also gets to see her mammy doing work she loves - building things, solving problems, helping people. That’s not failure; that’s role modelling.

The guilt may never fully go away. But maybe instead of beating ourselves up, we can remind ourselves that loving our work and our children is not a contradiction. It’s part of who we are.

I’d love to hear from other parents - are you experiencing the work / life / mammy juggle guilts too?